Halfkinds Volume 1: Contact Page 14

  “How much time?”

  “At least three hours.”

  I start to think about the scheduling of my plans. I’m unsure how much time we have, but then an idea pops in my head.

  “I don’t think that should be an issue, I just need to make some last minute decisions with Ace. Good work so far, Candy,” I say.

  “Thanks,” she responds.

  I walk back to Ace.

  “Candy says she’s ready, but once we get to the teleporter, she’ll need time to get things ready, at least three hours,” I say. “The United Species Alliance knows we’re going to a teleporter. I need you to throw them off in order to buy that window for her.”

  “How do I do that?” Ace asks with concern.

  Before I tell him what I’m thinking, I hesitate. Do I really want to do this? Will I be so ruthless in order achieve my goals, in order to save the siblings who are with me? Leonard was one thing, Lombardi was one thing, but what I’m thinking is a sin on an entirely different plane.

  But if Candy can’t work uninterrupted, then there won’t be a life left to live. This is vital. I need to create a diversion that will throw off our chasers. I have to do whatever it takes.

  We’re the alphas, they’re the betas. They branded themselves the moment they left. Oscar and Maddie were never strong and it showed in their actions. Yet something perplexes me. I don’t understand why the twins went with them. They’re like us, on the top. They should be hanging with the best instead of the worst. Why did they keep such low quality company?

  “What’s the plan?” Ace asks me, breaking my thoughts.

  As much as I revere the twins, I must do what I must do to save my true family.

  “In a few minutes, I’m going to write a message and I want you to sneak back to the Primm-Phillips supply depot. Is the United Species Alliance still there?”

  “When I left, it didn’t seem like they were going anywhere,” Ace says.

  “Good. Take that message and leave it where they can see it. On their vehicles, near the front door, wherever, as long as they get it.”

  “And what’s in the message?”

  “The location where Oscar and the others are hiding.”

  Ace looks at me stunned. “What?”

  “Candy told me that she needed time to prepare the teleporters. If the United Species Alliance agents are busy checking out Oscar’s hideout while Candy is working, it’ll guarantee she’ll have a long window to get it done.”

  “But… but…our own brothers and sisters. This isn’t right.”

  Ace is hesitant, and rightfully so. I already have enough difficulty with giving the order, I can only imagine what it must be like to carry it. But this must be done if we are to survive. I must be strong for the others, I must make the choices they won’t.

  “It wasn’t right that they left,” I say coldly and sternly. I must be callous. If I show any sign of weakness, Ace won’t do it. “This team knows we’re heading to the teleporters thanks to Lombardi’s tip. They’ll be hot on our trail. We need to do this to divert their attention and stall them while Candy works.”

  “But…”

  “No buts, Ace. If we don’t leave today, we’ll be dead. Do you want that?”

  He shakes his head no.

  “Then, can you go through with it?” I ask.

  He nods his head quietly. “Yes, but don’t tell the others. I don’t think they’ll forgive us.”

  “It’s our secret. When you get back, we’ll be ready to head to the Li station.”

  “The Li station? Why not the Gonzalez one? It’s much closer to us and the Primm-Phillips supply depot.”

  “Exactly. The agents of the United Species Alliance are probably thinking the same thing. They know we plan to use a teleporter to get out of Primm. Now that they took down one of our own, they know we’re nearby. If I were them, I’d be banking that we’d be heading there. We can’t be that predictable.”

  “What if they split their team?” Ace asks in an anxious tone. “There are two teleport stations and six of them, they can send two teams to the two stations.”

  “That’s true,” I answer, “but if you fulfill your task, they’ll have to split their team in three. With your tip, they’ll want to check out the casino. They can’t spread their squad too thin and I doubt they’ll take that risk.”

  “But…”

  “Don’t worry so much, just trust me.”

  “So, you sure you want me to do this?”

  We need to act fast and can’t afford to encounter any hazards at the Li station. Oscar knew the risks. When I and the rest of my siblings are on the Moon living in peace, away from this mess of a home, I’ll be looking back at these moments and I will understand why I did it.

  “Yes, that’s all we need to talk about for now. Get ready to leave soon. Also, see that bag about five feet away from us? Retrieve it for me. And bring Curtis over here,” I tell Ace.

  Ace runs to the bag and slides it next to me. He then walks over to the other side of the building where Curtis is laying down.

  “Hey, Curt, Tiago wants to talk to you,” Ace says.

  Curtis gets up, without saying a single word and walks in my direction listlessly. His scaly, prehensile tail sways like dead weight. His yellow eyes look sullen. There isn’t a smile or a frown on his face, just a blank slate. When he gets to me, he doesn’t say a word. No hello or greeting or anything, only a simple nod to acknowledge his arrival. He frightens my other brothers and sisters and even I admit he scares me sometimes.

  “Do you still remember the plan we talked about?” I ask.

  He nods.

  “Okay, it looks like we’re going to go forward with it. You’ll be headed to the Gonzalez station,” I say. “I’ll tell Candy to disable the security systems, so all you have to do is enter, no sneaking around. But before you leave, are you sure you want to do this?”

  He nods.

  “You don’t have to,” I say. “I’ve done a lot today, but this is your call. No pressure from me, no schemes, nothing. Even if it gets down to the last second and you feel like you want to abort, you’re free to do so and I’ll totally understand. One more time, are you sure about this?”

  He nods again.

  “Okay,” I say. I grab the bag that Ace had delivered and the disc objects he had swiped, and hand them to Curtis. He opens the bag and checks its contents. Everything looks satisfactory to him and he slings the bag around his right arm. He looks me dead in the eyes. He doesn’t nod this time, but they tell me that he’s ready to start.

  “You better go now,” I say. “I’ll tell the others you left. As you requested, I won’t tell Candy what you plan to do, just Alex and Ace.”

  He looks at me skeptically.

  “Don’t worry,” I say. “She didn’t ask why she needed to make it. It won’t raise any suspicion.”

  Curtis nods and walks toward the door.

  Before he goes, there is one more thing I want to say. “Remember, if you feel like coming back, we’ll be here with open arms. You’re not bound by your mission, you can stop any time you want.”

  He looks back at me and says, “Don’t worry, that won’t be the case.”

  The large door opens and he is gone. I look at Ace as he prepares to deliver the message that I will write. I think about the twins and a sudden sadness overcomes me. I don’t understand their betrayal. It’s a mixed feeling of frustration and gloom.

  And then I think of Oscar and the others. Questions fill my head. Will they forgive me? Do they understand?

  Asking is useless, I already know the answers, and I don’t care.

  Chapter 14 – Curtis Lawton - Monsters

  November 16, 3040 11:25 PM

  I’m on my way to the Gonzalez station, ready to help my family one last time. It’s only been minutes since I left, but so much is on my mind.

  When we were growing up, I would go on the infospace and see what other animals looked like. Humans, crocodiles, dogs, cats, t
igers, all of them are so beautiful. They look the way that God intended. But when I look in the mirror, I don’t see any of that. I see this grotesque mess of human features with scales, teeth, and monstrous eyes. I see something that is a mistake, something ugly, something terrifying. I become frightful, yet entranced. And then, I realize that I’m looking at myself.

  And I become disgusted.

  I hate myself. When I was a child, I learned what I truly was, what my place was in this society. Since then, not a moment goes by where I wish I wasn’t dead. I don’t belong here, I don’t belong anywhere. Not among my family, not among the rest of the world. I am a monster.

  What Tiago fails to see, what the others fail to see, is that the world is right. He thinks that we are one of a kind, that we deserve to live, but I disagree. We are abominations. I wonder sometimes why we are here, what purpose do monstrosities like us serve? But I can’t find any answers.

  My mother told me I’m part man, part crocodile. I don’t see it. The only way I could be of those two species is if someone put a human and a croc right next to each other, got two mallets and started smashing away until the two separate entities became a single being. A mixture of teeth and bones, skin and leather, hands and claws. Then you would have me.

  Out of self-pity, I would ask why am I like this? I don’t know who I was asking. It certainly wasn’t God. I don’t think he would’ve made me the way I am and if he did, he doesn’t seem like a God to me.

  Growing up was hard. My brothers and sisters didn’t say anything, but I could see it in their eyes, they were afraid of me. Some, the more cowardly ones like Leonard, Lombardi, and Maddie, showed their fear with utmost clarity. Their voices would shake when they talked to me, their hands trembled when they approached me. I’ve known them all my life and it has always been the same. I didn’t have the most approachable demeanor, but when your brothers and sisters can’t even look at you face to face, you realize that perhaps you are the monster they fear so much.

  The other siblings also dreaded interacting with me, but the terror they displayed was much more subtle. Instead of it showing on their faces or voices, they did it with their actions. I was always the elephant in the room, their interactions with me were awkward and hesitant. I couldn’t bond with any of them like true family. It’s hard to have deep conversations when a pair of knife-sharp jaws are glaring from your mouth. It’s hard to horseplay and have fun when a wrong tug means a dislocated shoulder. Even our supposed tough guy, Alex, didn’t want anything to do with me, probably because he knew I could snap his arm off if I wanted to.

  I wouldn’t dare, though, because I love my family. Even through all this hell, they mean the world to me.

  There is one brother who doesn’t fear me - Tiago. He doesn’t act the same way as my other siblings do. I don’t see him avoiding eye contact when we talk and I don’t see his body posture shrivel up. He stands chest out, head high, eyes focused. He walks confidently when he approaches me and speaks to me like a normal being. In fact, sometimes I sense a bit of arrogance, as if he’s demonstrating his authority. He wants me to know that he’s not scared. I’m not sure if I’m the one who should be petrified.

  That is the way my oldest brother is. He wants people to know that he is the alpha male, that he is the boss and he doesn’t have to say a word. He just has to stand there and act like himself.

  Still, it was nice to have someone to talk to. Tiago and I wouldn’t have serious chats about the meaning of life, we just spoke of things any youth would speak about. Dreams of leaving Primm, of finding a place away from mother’s control, a place where we could be accepted. I hold these talks close to my heart.

  He knew, and still knows, that behind this rough, horrifying exterior lies someone who is dying inside. At first, he didn’t understand why I loathe myself so much. He tried to convince me I had power. I was, and still am, bigger than the others. I’m supplied with natural gifts and could easily outmuscle my brothers and sisters. Tiago couldn’t fathom why someone with such natural ability didn’t try to take advantage of it.

  I would tell him it wasn’t for me. I am not one to seize power for my own. I am one who merely wishes to exist, who wishes to be happy. My appearance makes me elude this goal. It causes me great pain to know that some beings can’t find joy in the world.

  But despite my self-hate, I will not act in fits of rage or take what is not mine. I won’t release my pain on others, just on myself.

  Tiago is like that, searching for power, for survival. It is his way, not mine. Many times he has tried to convince me otherwise and many times I tell him I’m not interested. Sometimes his persistence bothers me, he doesn’t like to hear the word no. Most times, I wonder why he is so tenacious in the first place.

  I see what he has done with Alex. My rhino-like brother is much like me, behemoth in size and strong with tough skin and natural weapons like horns and a thick skull. When we were young, he was feared by my brothers and sisters, much like me, that is, until Tiago took him under his wing. He offered Alex that powerful hand of friendship and now Alex is Tiago’s personal muscle. If there is ever a struggle for Tiago’s life, rest assured Alex will be the one fighting for him.

  Some of the others think the same of me, that I am Tiago’s lackey, simply because he treats me differently than they do. They mistake his gestures of civility with those of manipulation. When he talks to me confidently, they see a puppet master pulling the string. And when I respond politely, it only supports their argument further.

  I wish they could see it’s not exclusive, that I want to act the same to them. My brothers and sisters are the only creatures that I’ve known my entire life. Twenty plus years under one house, one roof, without contact to the outside world. Blood is thick. I have an obligation to them and I know that they have an obligation to me. They are afraid of me, I understand, but despite their anxiety, I know I can still trust them. I would never do harm to them, I would do anything for them. I wish they could understand that.

  The idea of family is a strange thing. We don’t talk much, we don’t connect much, but I am compelled to protect. I can’t explain it. If they were anyone else, I could care less what happens. But because of that last name, we are bound to each other. They aren’t strangers, they are my kin and I treat them that way.

  Sometimes a few of them actually attempt to reach out to me, like my brother Oscar. I get the feeling that he wants to connect, but he can’t find the courage to do so. He’s made past attempts. As children, though apprehensive about it, he would try to play with me. It was kid’s stuff back then, hide and go seek and playing with these toys mother had bought us, but it was something. Yet, even as children, his trepidation showed and eventually we disconnected.

  As we grew older, it was the same. We didn’t talk much and when we did it was always short. My relationship with Tiago was getting stronger. They didn’t get along and my connection with Oscar deteriorated because of it. We never became as close as we were when we were young.

  I don’t hate him for it. Actually, I admire him more for it. An effort is better than nothing. Sometimes I feel gratitude. I have this underlying suspicion about Tiago’s actions, that there’s a hidden agenda. I don’t have that concern with Oscar. I don’t question his sincerity.

  This was all I had to look forward to when it concerned my family, bits and pieces of interaction. It left me with an incredibly lonely existence. We were already outcasts in this world and I was the ultimate cast off. It wasn’t like some of the others, such as Lombardi. He was ousted because of his awkwardness and social ineptitude, but at least he was given a chance to belong. I never got it.

  How does one cope with being viewed as a terror among the people he loves? To be willing to give anything to those who are ready to run away at your very sight? The only thing I can say is that it’s soul crushing.

  As the years went by, I spiraled deeper and deeper into depression. I had so much love to give, but no one wanted it because they were to
o horrified to take it. Life in that house was so lonely, and I was confined to it every day. I was a prisoner trapped in despair and the only thing I could do was wallow in it. A mind alone is a dangerous thing. You wonder about things that don’t seem possible. With no one to talk to, it would only be me and my thoughts.

  Going to sleep was the worst. The darkness blanketed me, covering my eyes so I couldn’t see myself. I felt things, but I didn’t know if they were really there. I heard things, but I didn’t see the source of the sounds. The only thing that was real to me were my thoughts and they weren’t tangible.

  I questioned my existence. It was surreal that I was what I was. There was nothing on this Earth like us, so what if we weren’t real? What if the life I was living was some kind of fabricated lifetime? How would I wake myself up?

  I knew the answer to that was obvious. It’s something I think about all the time.

  I wonder if any of the others thought about suicide, or if the long run had ever entered their minds. Mother had told us the horrors of the world. That’s why she kept us on lockdown. It would make me question what kind of future I would have. A lifetime of living in that house would drive me insane, a lifetime of living outside of it wouldn’t last very long. I look like a mutant, I would be killed like one. The only solution I had to accept was that there was no future for me.

  I wanted to kill myself so many times. I wanted to get one of those kitchen knives and jam it into my neck. I just never had the guts to do it. Death is final, uncertain, I wasn’t ready to face it so abruptly. So instead, I continued to suffer without a friend to talk to.

  And then, mother died. I had spent my years worried about being trapped in our home forever. It was now time to face the other fear, living out in the ruthless world she described.

  When we left our house, I started thinking. Our plan was to be on the run, to hide until we could find a place to be free. But I realized that it’s as bad living underground as it is living in captivity. We’ll never get to live full lives, despite what Tiago or Oscar might think. The only life we could have is that of a rat, a vermin living off the scraps of others, doing whatever decrepit thing it takes to survive.